How to Get Rich Quick (with Quips)

First published on Medium for Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Poems (link to original post).

The Write-off

I will not write about writing
I will not write every day
I will not pull you up the pyramid with me

If your strategy for earning is to write
About your strategy for earning
Then your strategy for earning is pretending that
Your strategy for earning has any value
At all

Spare me.

The author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad was a failed businessman
Made rich by a book on how to get rich
Then selling off his wisdom, saying
— Look, I’ve made it,
I must have known what I was doing

“Fraud” barely describes it
“Grifter” — almost too kind
“Kunk on Earth” is taken
“Hustler” — he might not mind

In a wicked way, I respect it
We all need money to survive
The billionaires exploit,
Celebrities lie,
And writers beg for claps
— For scraps
To get by

So generate your articles
On how to write your income
Off you go on your readers’
Fledgling reciprocity

I might write about writing
I might think it’s not the same
And yet — you’re here; I’m here
Aren’t we both playing the game?

Snake-oil Limerick

There once was a grifter named Ferris
Who clearly could not feel embarrassed
Said, “pay me a fine, and
In four hours’ time
You, too, can get rich from your terrace!”

He met up with veteran Bob
Whose dad wasn’t really a slob
They chatted all nice
Upon their thrones of lies
Deciding who next they might rob

In come our intrepid podcasters
With ick, they exposed these disasters
Bob’s book they dissected
Then Tim’s they inspected
— Slick houses built just out of plaster!

How powerless this relevation
Against their entrenched reputation
For so many dream of
New wealth from quick schemes and
Will pay their last dime for salvation

Some background for the curious

The first poem is inspired by my experience in a group for Medium writers to share their stories and some of the complicated feelings that participating in it has brought up for me.

The second poem is particularly inspired by the episodes about Rich Dad, Poor Dad and The 4-Hour Workweek on the “If Books Could Kill” podcast (highly recommended!). I’m not sure why it had to come out as a limerick, but I assure you that it did.